FRIENDLY BUT PROFESSIONAL or BE COOL

     Professionalism is one of the hallmarks of leadership, but five-man dungeons are too quick and intimate to lead effectively without any connection to your teammates. Once you've got the group together you must, for the time you're together, make friends. Many leaders act either too chummy or too distant in five-mans. If you're too friendly, you risk putting off shy or introverted players who might just want to hit the dungeon without taking you to dinner and a movie, and if you're too cool you'll lose the social butterflies who enjoy dungeons for the team-work and chance to meet people. As a leader, you must make a good impression on both of these, while showing each you are measured and calm. Hence, I call the proper attitude for five-man leadership "Friendly but Professional," which we'll shorted to FbP.
  
    The first part of FbP is the friendly. Put simply: Be cool. Relax, take a deep breath and pretend you're at dinner with four people you don't know. Say it's a business dinner. Because you're all convened to achieve a goal, the others might be shy letting their guard down and making friends, and will look to the boss to break the ice. Start by welcoming everyone with an informal "thanks for coming," or some such. I like to begin by asking the group how they're doing, as just having to answer opens a dialogue, rather than just your monologue of "kill this, loot that."

    Do whatever you can within reason to make players feel relaxed and important. As you run the dungeon, start up a conversation with each by asking questions. When did the priest get his hard-to-find staff, the hunter his rare pet? Encourage them to tell the stories. Whereabouts is the mage from, how does the paladin enjoy Ret? At least once per run, I try to engage every single member. Encourage teammates you know to open up a bit. Even in a group of five friends, everyone should get their moment in the spotlight.

    Five-mans allow you to dispel some of that leader mystique (later.) Feel free to make wisecracks and riff off other players' jokes liberally, and let people observe your sense of humor. If you're not one for making the funnies, or even if you are, laugh at the others' jokes. If they're not funny, just type in a :-D or a :-P . Talk a little bit about your day, though if you complain, don't whine. By the end of a dungeon run, even an old pal should know he's seen a wee bit more of who his fearless leader really is.

    Find something to like about all your teammates, until they give you a reason to dislike them. Note if one of them is funny or one does a really good job, or one just has a cool-looking avatar. If you like your fellows, you will pull for them to succeed, increasing positive energy in the group (yes, positive energy can travel over LAN wires.)

    All this does not mean you should act like everyone's bestest friend, or like you share a dorm. Don't force someone to talk about themselves, and indeed don't ask questions that are too personal  for a brand new acquaintance. Feel free to mention current events or make a joke, but avoid slipping the discussion into politics or religion. Especially, do not volunteer your own views on such things and if directly asked, calmly state "I believe X," without opening the floor to debate. "I am a Christian" and "I am a liberal," work way better than "I have accepted Jesus Christ/Barack Obama as my Lord and Savior."

    Swearing is another way to take things out of the realm of "new friends" and into overfamiliarity and unprofessionalism. Never ever use hate-speech of any sort, as this doesn't just make you a bad leader, but a big jerk. If someone else does such a thing, immediately, politely, firmly ask them to stop.

    Remember, these are people you have just met and must lead. As a basic ground rule, treat teammates the way you would treat people you've just met for sports in the park, or for a gaming tournament. You hope to make some new friends, but you don't want to come on too strong. Luckily, we have just the ingredient to temper your friendliness: tune in next time for the "Professional" half of FbP.